This Was Not the Year

Jan 01, 2023

With apologies to the delightful Brian Bilston, my own take on his poem, “That Was the Year That Was Not:”

This Was Not the Year:

This was not the year that I got my shit together

No, this year my shit got even shittier than ever

This was not the year that I put out my first book

This was not the year of the big meetings that I took

to try to set the world on fire,

although to such I might aspire.

Big ideas came to nothing

more than some idle fluffing

of my ideals and resumé.

Big goals were met with long delay.

This was not the year that I got more organized

This was not the year that I shed my ass and thighs

This was not the year that I went fully vegan

This was not the year that I got any freaking

closer to self-actualization

Or even began that conversation

With myself. I hardly changed.

I scarcely tried to rearrange

My habits, exercise, or food.

Or did I? I admit, it's also true

This was not the year that I continued to be abused.

This was not the year that I still claimed to be confused.

This was not the year that I never asked for help.

This was not the year that I nearly lost myself

in the catatonia of despair.

I finally began to care

about myself, and though life's messier

And sometimes a little stressier,

I learned to stand up for myself.

At last, I came down off the shelf.

So this was not the year that I went to graduate school,

And this was not the year that I looked gorgeous by the pool.

But this was also not the year that I hung on, just barely,

And this was not the year I measured my progress so narrowly.