The Prophetic Revelation After My First Ketamine Infusion
Radical Forgiveness Is the Answer
“What’s important to me at this point in my life? Making really sure I have forgiven all — everyone who has ever hurt me or seemed to be an enemy, or making sure I have nothing but forgiveness for everything.” - Robert Anton Wilson
Yesterday afternoon, as my beloved fiancee Sally Shideler drove me back home after my first Ketamine Infusion Therapy at Dr. Ko’s Reset Ketamine clinic in Palm Springs, I scribbled this in the journal which we keep together:
I’ll talk in more detail about what this first of six scheduled Ketamine infusions was like later today when Sally interviews me on our podcast. But this was the takeaway of the first experience. And I got it pretty immediately after I woke up. As I sat in the chair all groggy, Dr. Ko asked me what I had gotten from the experience and in my stupor I responded that I need to forgive all the people who have hurt me so much over the last year. I need to forgive the unskilled, violent police officers who caused my PTSD with their desperate effort to cover up the fact they had intentionally injured me. I need to forgive the friends and family members who have abandoned me and now refuse to talk to me, who have blocked me on their phones, email, and social media. I need to forgive the business partners and colleagues who have betrayed me, lied to me, and stolen money from me. They all may have their justifications for what they did to hurt me. They all may think that they are the heroes of their story and I am the villain. A verse comes to mind:
Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” And they divided up his clothes by casting lots. - Luke 23:34
When I told Dr. Ko about my realization about forgiveness he suggested a ritual that I could do to put my forgiveness into action before my next session tomorrow: handwrite letters to those who have hurt me about my forgiving them. Then burn them. I’m going to do it tonight.
Regarding the content and type of Ketamine experience which I had, it appears my guess that the first one represented a smaller dosage was correct. I had the first type, the “empathogenic experience,” apparently because Dr. Ko usually administers a smaller dose for one’s first Ketamine treatment. The sensation of it was entirely pleasant and positive - it was a bit like a rollercoaster ride in the dark. I did not encounter any “entities” or relive my life or become one with the universe. I was still aware of myself and my body the entire time. The only person who appeared to me at one point was my favorite author, the late Robert Anton Wilson, and the quote I’ve embedded and put in bold above reverberated in my mind.
Now, I’ve heard this and known this for a long time. I’ve seen the documentary where it’s from perhaps a dozen times since first buying it back in 2004. And I even knew earlier in my PTSD journey that I needed to do this. But knowing it and reading it and hearing it is one thing, actually getting over the pain people caused you is another. And so far I have not been able to do that because of the PTSD. The hyper-arousal of my senses and hyper-vigilance of my emotions has felt so permanent. But maybe the friends who have been telling me that it just takes time to heal were right all along.
A deep thanks to the friends and family who haven’t abandoned me, who have been with me through this journey. And a special thanks to my friend Scott, who took the time to tell me about how much Ketamine Infusion Therapy helped him and who was crucial in me realizing that it could likely save me too.
See the previous posts and podcasts in my journey of recovering from PTSD:
