How to Survive Living in the Virtual World

What if you can’t avoid it?

A special thanks to David Swindle for his post Has Working Too Much Online Since 2009 Warped My Worldview Beyond Hope? This stimulated my brain as I made merry during Christmas. I’ve struggled with this problem myself merely from the standpoint of participating with social media and being a virtual media consumer. I did not have a good answer as is evident in my last reflection on it.

However, as David describes in his post, you can’t ever really unplug yourself from social media when your livelihood depends upon it. This is not the case for me. At this time of the year I mostly switch off from the outside world. At any other time of the year, the main source of my internet preoccupation are podcasts and YouTube. Fortunately for all concerned, most of my favorite sources for this content (mostly the guys from The Daily Wire) are also on Christmas break, and it is my sincere hope that they use this time to get away from social media and recharge. I don’t know how they do it, staying on social media all of the time.

Like specialized diets, I’ve tried several approaches, such as fasting from social media to blocking it out altogether. The fasting approach was to remove the apps from my phone, and to get on Facebook or Twitter only for “business” purposes. When I’ve fasted from it, I have found that I didn’t really miss it much and my outlook on life generally improves. I’ve taken it further with “news blackouts.” This has also been a comfort.

As a general proposition, I take Thomas à Kempis’ advice to heart:

“Avoid the gatherings of men as much as you can. The discussion of worldly affairs, even though engaged in with good intentions, is nevertheless a hinderance, for we quickly become tainted and charmed by trivia. I have often wished that I had remained silent and had not been in the company of men.” (Chapter 10, Guarding Against Unnecessary Speech)*

This advice is, I believe, applicable to gatherings of men both in person and in virtual settings. After all, as Thomas asks in that same chapter, “Why are we so fond of speaking and conversing with one another, though we rarely return to our silence without some injury to our conscience?”

Just like Thomas, I can’t tell you how many times I have spoken up in conversations and immediately wished I had just remained silent. I fear this is doubly true for my social media interactions over the years. I realized that I was often comporting myself in a way I would never do in person. For example, breaking in uninvited into conversations between other “friends.” At the times I did this, I believed that the “friend” had implicitly invited all to comment by merely posting something in a public forum. While this is technically true, when I thought about it later, I realized that I myself often post items with only a few people in mind, not the entire world of my friends.

Regardless, I don’t believe that my motives in speaking up were always perfectly pure, and that my contribution to the conversation was not at all helpful to anyone involved. It would have been far better to remain silent.

Living in the Virtual World

So, what do you do when your income depends upon remaining active on social media and the virtual world? I think we must deal with the virtual world just the same way we deal with the rest of the world we live in. There are countless good things in the world, but there’s also lots of toxic things all around us. We can either become a recluse, or we can learn to avoid those things that tempt us into evil.

David mentioned in his research that narcissists are largely attracted to social media, and I would not argue with this premise. I would only add that I believe that social media has a tendency to bring out the narcissism in all of us. The worst are on TikTok, chronicling their entire lives online, continually posting photos and videos of themselves, being egged on by hope of virtual fame via a multitude of virtual “friends.”

For these people, Thomas has the following counsel: “Do not open your heart to everyone, but discuss your affairs with one who is wise and fears God.” He also adds, “We must have charity toward all but familiarity is not necessary.” (Chapter 8, Guarding Against Too Much Familiarity)*

Our Online Persona

It does seem that social media can bring out the narcissism in anyone, so we need to work to keep it in check. I think that one way to do this is to determine whether your online persona is the same as the one you project when you are out in public. I’ve witnessed many examples of people who project a completely different persona online than they do in person. I can name two people in my own neighborhood who are unable to look you in the eye in person, but come across online as if they were bellicose extroverts. There’s one neighbor here who could not possibly be as awful in person as he is online. (He’d have been done away with long ago by his close relations.) And in this same spirit, I think that before we post anything, we need to ask ourselves whether we would also feel comfortable saying it in person.

Dealing with Online Jerks

That takes care of our own input in the virtual world, but what about all the other awful people on social media? We know that we can’t really change anyone but ourselves. The only thing we can do is to change how we deal with others online. Thomas has an answer for that as well.

“Be patient in bearing the imperfections and weaknesses of others, no matter what they may be, just as others have to put up with your faults.” (Chapter 16, Bearing with One Another’s Failings)*

Staying humble also helps, as Thomas advises on that matter:

“If you see anything good in yourself, believe still better things of others and you will, then, preserve humility. It will do you no harm if you account yourself as worst of all; but it will very much harm you to think that you are better than everyone else.” (Chapter 7, Avoiding Vain Hope and Self-Conceit)*

But, keep in mind that humility will help your outlook, as Thomas states in that same chapter, “Peace dwells in a humble heart, while in the heart of a proud man there is envy and resentment.”

Live in the Virtual World; Do Not Be of It

I think we need to apply the same admonition about the world in general to the world of social media. Live in this world; do not love it. Do not be of it. And, for those times we may feel battered by others of the virtual world, consider Thomas’ advice on using adversity to improve our spiritual life:

“Sometimes it is to our advantage to endure misfortunes and adversities, for they make us enter into our inner selves and acknowledge that we are in a place of exile and that we ought not to rely on anything in this world. And sometimes it is good for us to suffer contradictions and know that there are those who think ill and badly of us, even though we do our best and act with every good intention. Such occasions are aids in keeping us humble and shield us from pride. When men ridicule and belittle us, we should turn to God, who sees our innermost thoughts, and seek His judgment.” (Chapter 12, The Uses of Adversity)*

* All quotes are taken from The Imitation of Christ, Book I, “Helpful Counsels for the Spiritual Life,” by Thomas à Kempis, Edited and Translated by Joseph N. Tylenda, S.J.