I'm not feeling well today.
Back in December, I wrote this long personal essay about the mystical rituals Iād performed in November, which had resulted in the remission of my PTSD symptoms:
Earlier this month, I explained some of the strange views Iād developed as a result:
So how have things being going since then? some may be curious to know. Have I remained PTSD-free? Is life still great and healthy?
The answers are a seemingly contradictory āyesā and āno.ā
Yes, I feel fine and upbeat and able to focus. Iām not feeling suicidal or full of self-doubt.
Most of the time.
In my last piece, I concluded by noting that, after performing a ceremonial magick ritual to reach the Tiphareth sphere in the Tree of Life (where Jesus hangs out) to achieve balance and "Christ Consciousness," it seemed as though the demons were no longer inside of me. I had successfully cast them out. But this essentially created a beacon for other demons and the myriad forms of "dark spirits" to try to move in and take their place.
So now I'm having these experiences with "entities" on a much more regular basis. And they seem to come in all sorts of forms and themes. Some are stereotypically dark and scary, with malformed faces. Others are more akin to a hazy fog. And I know when I'm close to them. My teeth start chattering, and I begin to feel a hopeless despair. But if I step a few feet back into another room or back into the yard, then the dark feelings and chattering of my teeth will subside.
In other words: Spiritual warfare is now an all-day activity, to varying degrees. I've had to consult with others and research through the various religious traditions for ways to counter dark spirits. For centuries, other people have dealt with these sorts of entities, and they've developed various methods for fighting them. These seem to have endured because they are effective. Here are the ones which have worked for me so far, and that I would encourage you to experiment with if you encounter similar problems yourself:
1. Magic Circles
I used to do this a few times a month, but now I'm seeing that it's better to make it a daily thing, first thing in the morning. I have a wooden walking staff I got years ago in Cambria, a little hippie artistsā town in the woods a few hours north of LA. It used to have an ankh hanging from it, but it broke, and now just the top half remains.
I stick the staff in the ground and drag it from our back walkway through the front yard, out onto the driveway and around
ās car before bringing it back through the open garage and back to the exact spot where I began. This makes an unbroken circle around the entire apartment.I've experimented with this a lot the last few months, and it's fucking weird as hell. I've tried hopping back and forth from one side of the line to the other to see what happens. And it's so weird:
On one side of the line, I'll feel fine and upbeat, but when I switch to the other, then my teeth start chattering and the feelings of dread and doom and self-loathing fill my being.
I take this principle further inside, too. If I get the sense that an entity is in the room or beating down the door to get in, then I'll set up a little circle in the living room with various knickknacks like plastic skulls and garden gnomes.
Now, why would I need to use multiple protections like this? I suspect it's largely because what will be effective against one spirit may not be for another. A barrier may repel one spirit, while another will walk through just fine. Of course, it's not an exact science here. In spite of 4,000 years of accumulated mystical knowledge about dealing with these independent intelligences, these phenomena are still much more mysterious than we can deal with and stay sane.
2. Invocation of Thoth
In my previous piece, I described how effective it was to call upon the ibis-headed Egyptian deity Thoth for healing and protection from demons. What happens when you invoke or call upon him is that he shows up, pecks out your eyes, uses his beak to dig a hole in your skull to open your "third eye," and then he digs in deeper to pull out the black worms which have attached themselves to your soul. He is apparently doing what the ibises did in the age of the ancient Egyptians. By eating the worms and snails out of the ponds created as the Nile receded, the ibis made the pools safe for humans to bathe in without getting parasites:
I had to go and study about the ibis bird itself to learn that.
So all I do is grip the ankh, either the one around my neck or the large one that I carry in my pocket and keep nearby at all times, and call out for Thoth and request what I need for help or protection.
Either he will create a sort of force field, blocking the attacking spirits, or he will eat the worms out of my soul. Sometimes, he'll give me a tip as to which of the other tools I have would be most effective at the moment. In the worst of times, then he'll go and fetch his friend Anubis, the dog-headed god of death and mummification. Anubis will then bury me in the ground like a dog burying its bone. (Apparently jackals digging in graveyards was the reason why this god had a jackal's head.) And then he'll dig me out againāa straightforward resurrection ritual, thankfully not as horrific as the crucifixion-style one that I experienced to enter Tiphareth.
3. Protective Ankhs
You know how in hieroglyphs there are pictures (both of these via Wikimedia Commons) like this with the gods carrying around large ankhs:
And other images like this of feeding an ankh to a person:
I now take these literally. I often hold my large ankh in that fashion, and Sally and I have acquired an ankh-shaped cookie cutter which we're going to use to make ankh-shaped sugar cookies. We have a hieroglyphic wall hanging, and now I'll often just put on YouTube videos on the TV of stuff like this with a big ankh and calming music:
This, too, is a powerful magick spell to repel dark spirits.
There are similar YouTube videos drawing on other faith traditions.
It's also effective to put on videos like this of archangels. Both types of videos are just different languages for defining different aspects of God:
4. Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram (Angelic Invocation)
You know, it's really funny: Say "occult" and most people will think Satan-worship and blood sacrifices and pacts with the devil. But get into it, and there are whole currents of Esoteric thought that are fully in line with Judeo-Christian beliefs.
This ritual, popularized by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, is practically just prayer with movement. There are four parts: first an invocation of parts of the Tree of Life, then an invocation of four names of God as you trace a pentagram in the air, then a summoning of four archangels, and then a repetition of the first part invoking the Tree of Life.
What is the effect of this spell? It is like dropping a bomb from the sky. It explodes all dark spirits away from you. It effectively, legitimately banishes them.
I know how silly this stuff sounds, BTW. If you don't need to try these various tools to feel better and functional, then good for you. But others can recognize that gee, maybe some of these things could actually be helpful and work.
5. Eating Healthy Food
One of my developing theses, having gone through these trauma experiences over the years, is that when the body is at its most stressed, terrified, and afraid for its life, that's when the soul is most vulnerable to a demonic attack. The more emotionally raw and broken a person is, the more demons can slip inside that personāand the deeper they can go.
And I think that when we gorge ourselves on bad food, to some degree we are traumatizing our bodies. We're putting literal poison into ourselves just because it tastes really good.
So I've found that by gorging myself on fruits and vegetables during the day, that means that I leave myself less vulnerable to attacks. When I've eaten something processed and/or fatty or loaded with sugarāand a lot of itāthen I'm more likely to feel sick, in pain, a bit panicked, and thus vulnerable to spiritual attack.
6. Magic Rings
I wear two ankhs all the time. The first is the one around my neck, which I've now come to put inside my shirt so that it's in contact with my skin. That's one shield. The other is a ring of Anubis on my left hand, which includes three ankhs carved into the design, including at the top of Anubis's head, between his pointy ears. Much of the time, I'll have rings on the other fingers, varying them up each day, depending on what seems needed. These are intended to further repel dark spirits. Different symbols scare away different types of spirits.
Iāve experimented a bit with this, too. Just as jumping outside of the magic circle will cause the negative feelings and teeth chattering, so too with the removal of the Anubis ring and the ankh necklace. Thus, I wear them at all times now.
7. Tuning Fork and Buddhist Singing Bowl
A good friend of mine told me about his own spiritual experiences and how he dealt with unwelcome āguests.ā He advised me to buy a tuning fork. Then, when I get the sense that something is in the room, I can walk around and bang the fork and it will drive them away. And it's very effective. It also allows for different frequencies by hitting different places on the fork. The Buddhist singing bowl is comparable. Sending vibrations through the air will drive off some spirits. Music probably works in a similar way, but I'd need to do more research before knowing for sure how that works in a mystical context.
8. Daily Tarot Card Readings Aided by ChatGPT
I've explored a number of different Tarot styles over the years. The one I'm experimenting with now is this:
I exclusively use Aleister Crowleyās Thoth deck, and I donāt make a distinction for an upside-down card being a "reversal" of the meaning of the card. The Moon and Serpent Bumper Book of Magic by Alan Moore and Steve Moore (no relation) suggested that.
I draw 6 cards and then put them into the holders that Sally got me for Christmas:
Two for morning, two for afternoon, and two for evening, a simplified clock.
Years ago, I used to make an actual circle of 12 cards to mirror a clock. Perhaps I'll try that again at some point, but for now, this approach seems to be working.
I'll do my own general analysis of what the next day could yield and then read the cards into ChatGPT and instruct it in how I want the six cards analyzed. I also tell it to keep track of the previous draws, so it can tell me of any recurring cards or patterns.
I've been doing this each day because they turn out to be so accurate. They're sort of like a daily weather forecast. I can be prepared for times of day when it's going to be the spiritual equivalent of rain. It's essentially telling me when various demons may attack me and when various benevolent spirits/angels/etc. may bless me.
Again, yes, I know this is weird. And the skeptic side of me has to emerge every now and then to scold me for not being more critical and skeptical of whether Iām simply tricking myself somehow.
But hey, I donāt know how this stuff on this list works. It just does. And you don't need to believe meāyou can try it for yourself and see.
9. THC Syrup
I have stopped smoking marijuana following the self-exorcism. Now, a few times a week, Iāll pour a 10-20 mg dose of THC syrup into a small glass of water. This is calming, and it raises the spirits inspiring more joking and creativity.
Iād advise lower doses for most people. Five mg is probably best, and Iāll often do that amount, too.
10. Amanita Muscaria Spiritual Dose
This is essentially the tool of last resort, as it is the most unpleasant. Amanita Muscaria is the psychedelic I most encourage the use of, since it is legal and accessible online in easily-dosable gummie forms.
(And yes, I know that itās not technically a psychedelic, but Iām calling it that so people can understand that its effects are so similar.)
It's much less intense than the illegal psychedelics like psilocybin and LSD, but it still gets the job done in delivering a controlled traumatic, spiritual experience to cast off demons. Eating a whole packet at once will provide the āspiritual doseā of a multi-hour experience that I assure you will be enlightening and reality-bending, but also very unpleasant.
Now, this is really just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to mystical practices designed to protect from demonic attacks. This year, I'll do more experiments with various religious and cultural traditions' methods of winning in "spiritual warfare."
Do you have any suggestions that you've found effective for yourself? Please share your experiences in the comments, hit me up on Notes, or respond in email.
Iām still not feeling well, but I have to admit there is one other technique I use to oppose the dark spirits, and it's one that Iāve used effectively all my life:
I have no known experiences with hostile entities, but in general, salt or water are commonly used by energy healers for detox. Also, Jewish practice is to pour pure water over each hand upon waking up, to repel the "bat melekh" spirit which is said to take residence on the hands overnight.