10 Controversial Opinions: Harry Potter Edition
"Always"?! Gross!
We've been having a lot of fun here lately sharing our controversial or unpopular pop culture opinions! So far, we've covered Star Trek, Star Wars, James Bond, and writing, among other topics - I'd link to them, but they're literally all over our home page.
Buried in a piece about my unpopular writing opinions was the little nugget that I dislike science fiction as a genre. No shade! I just never got into it. I have an equally hard time with fantasy - save for one franchise that hit me in just the right way, at just the right time.
That's right. It's Harry Potter. I admit it - I actively enjoy Harry Potter, both the books and the movies.
I don't think I'm a Harry Potter Adult: I own no HP home decor, jewelry, or clothing; I have no desire to go to Harry Potter Wizarding World Whatever at Universal Studios. I don't even have print copies of the books, though they're certainly worth owning.
So what do I have? I have strong, if irreverent, opinions about the characters, the plot, and what I think fellow fans misunderstand! To wit:
1.) Harry didn't need to hide his scar. A scar in the shape of a lightning bolt is cool as heck! Also, Daniel Radcliffe is not meant to have bangs. If you’ve got it, flaunt it, Haz!
2.) Staircases that magically rearrange themselves and lead to different places at different times would be incredibly obnoxious. What the hell. I mean, why take attendance at all if you know that any given route to any given classroom is likely to be obstructed or even removed at any given time?
3.) “Hogwarts" is a goofy-ass name for what is supposed to be the UK’s most prestigious wizarding educational institution. Call it something a little more dignified, please! Literally anything would be better: Bramblefeathers? Cauldronbrun? Snamblethlorpe? OK, "Snamblethlorpe” is not, in fact, much better than "Hogwarts.” But it's somewhat better!
And I only spent twenty seconds on these ideas. Imagine what you could think up if you had literally all the time you wanted before approaching publishers!
4.) You're unhappy about ethnic representation in the series? Well, if you were imagining all these mostly-undescribed students and teachers as white, waiting for the writer to tell you that they weren't, then you yourself might have more bias baked in than you realize. *mic drop*
5.) Snape should lose his teaching license (? Does the wizarding world have these?) for being such an absolute creep to Harry over his unrequited , unresolved feelings for his dead mother. Does professionalism mean nothing to him?!
Buddy: I don't know if they have “He's Just Not That Into You” at Flourish & Blotts - if not, we’ll get you a copy. A word to the wise: it works with any combination of genders.
6.) If tackle football is commonly thought to be unsafe for children here in the boring old Muggle world, Quidditch is essentially a sophisticated, systematic murder campaign. And the Triwizard Tournament? Are you kidding me? A kid literally died. We didn't see parents and guardians so much as sign a waiver before sending their kiddos to compete in a school-sponsored self-sacrifice to the Dark Lord.
Are there no rabidly salivating, ambulance-chasing personal-injury lawyers in the Wizarding World? No? Must be nice.
7.) Harry should've seen those stupid Thestrals from Day One, since, as a baby, he witnessed the deaths of his parents. Instead, the winged horses only appear to him after the above-mentioned fatal Triwizard Tournament claims Cedric Diggory’s life in front of him?
“Sorry, Mom and Dad; I guess Edward from ‘Twilight’ just meant more to me!” Of course - relatable as heck! What red-blooded teenage boy wouldn't say the same?
8.) There are too many Weasleys. There just are. Fred and George are amazing characters, and it genuinely hurt to see Fred killed in the Battle of Hogwarts at series’ end. But the presence of Bill, Charlie, Percy, Stanley, Archibald, Fitzgerald, Eugene, and Hugh, in addition to Ron and Ginny? Way too many.
Okay, I made some of those up, but, like … barely! There are seven Weasley children, and that's too many Weasleys to keep straight.
9.) The only way Hermione would've ever married Ron is if it were the result of an unfortunate lobotomy or magic spell gone wrong. Although, now that I think about it, it doesn't say that didn't happen.
10.) Gringotts Wizarding Bank is just way too much. Operated by goblins, extending for miles below the streets of London, with vaults accessible only by means of a rollercoaster ride in a rickety little cart, it better have a couple of ATMs outside.
What do you think? What did I miss? Let me know in the comments!
Hi Sally--I read all the books years ago, except for the last one--I think we had copies of all but that last one, and that's the only reason I didn't. Enjoyed them thoroughly. I have to echo your general concern for the safety of the students at that gruesome school! Just to name a few, from monster snakes lurking in the basements to ghosts in the bathroom (imagine trying to have a much needed private moment in there with the prospect of a ghostly face pushing through at you in the stall) to a woods stock full of dangerous animals. Who would send their kids there?!?
I'm a big Harry Potter fan and I love reading these plot critiques, they are so funny to me because you never think about it that way when you're reading the books, but yeah, I completely agree!